Subject: Shark Fishing

Her Majesty was enjoying the sea air when she spied a man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very large shark.

Through her binoculars she could see it was Christiano Ronaldo, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!

The Queen ordered the Captain of her ship to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the ship's top speed would never get them there in time.

At that exact moment a speedboat containing three members of the England Football Squad,wearing their white tops sped into view.

One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat along with the dead shark and were aboutr to beat a hasty retreat when they heard frantic calling…. It was The Queen calling them to the Royal Barge.

On reaching her boat The Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give each of you a Knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after the world cup. But I see that the you are true heroes in the British Way and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other countries - even the U.S.A.."

So The Queen knighted them then she departed to the French Riviera.

After The Queen had departed Rooney, after loudly breaking wind and emptying the contents of his nasal passages over the side of the boat, asked the others, "Who was that?!"

"That, you ignorant Coolie!" Beckham answered, "...was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth and knows everything about our beloved Country."

"Well," Rooney replied, "she knows ***k all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up?"