Hoof's Jokes *mature rating* - Page 3

***XBS Jason*** · 02-03-2005, 07:17 AM

Kinda hard to figure this on out without knowing what a Vicar is:

In the broadest sense, a vicar is anyone who is acting as a substitute or agent for a superior (compare "vicarious"). In this sense, the title is comparable to ''lieutenant''. Usually the title appears in a number of Christian ecclesiastical contexts, but in the Holy Roman Empire a local representative of the emperor, perhaps an archduke, might be styled "vicar".

In Roman Catholic canon law, a vicar is the local representative of any ecclesiastic. The Romans had used the term to describe officials subordinate to the praetorian prefects. In the early Christian churches, bishops likewise had their vicars, such as the archdeacons and archpriests, and also the rural priest, the curate who had the ''cure'' of all the souls outside the episcopal cities. The position of the Roman Catholic vicar as it evolved, is sketched in the ''Catholic Encyclopedia'', 1908 [http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15401a.htm]

The Pope uses the title ''Vicarius Christi'', meaning, the ''vicar of Jesus Christ''. The papacy first used this title in the eighth century; earlier they used the title ''vicar of St. Peter'' or ''vicarius principis apostolorum'', the ''vicar of the chief of the apostles''. The distinction in the claim for authority will be immediately apparent.

Some papal legates are honoured by the title ''Vicar of the Apostolic See''.

In the Anglican Communion, ''vicar'' is the ordinary title given to certain parish priests. Historically, Anglican parish clergymen were divided into rectors, vicars, and perpetual curates. These were distinguished according to the way in which they were remunerated. The church was supported by tithes - taxes (traditionally, as the etymology of ''tithe'' suggests, of 10%) levied on the agricultural output of the parish. These were divided into ''greater tithes'' levied on wheat, hay and wood, and lesser tithes levied on the remainder. A rector received both greater and lesser tithes, a vicar the lesser tithes only. A perpetual curate received no tithe income and was supported by the ...

Hoof Hearted · 02-03-2005, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xbox

Kinda hard to figure this on out without knowing what a Vicar is:

In the broadest sense, a vicar is anyone who is acting as a substitute or agent for a superior (compare "vicarious"). In this sense, the title is comparable to ''lieutenant''.............

OK, so you didn't get the joke.

I see I am going to have to ask my Parrot to reply to this post.

Polly!......
Pollyeeeeeeee! Where ARE You?....
.....
....
AH, there you are.

Come now, Polly, answer the man.
.....
.....

WHOOOOOOOO"S A CLEVER BOY THEN

Did you try reading past the word "Vicar"?" :-D:

Hoof Hearted · 06-11-2005, 11:06 AM

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding
along with a dog and a sheep and began a conversation

Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Indian: Look of shock.

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me
great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: Look of total disbelief.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: Extreme look of shock.

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the Indian.

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty well, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly,
brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Indian: Total look of utter amazement.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep big fat liar."

Hoof Hearted · 06-11-2005, 11:13 AM

Grill 'er

Electro68 · 06-11-2005, 11:15 AM

Good one, lomfl.

Hoof Hearted · 06-11-2005, 11:18 AM

Cardiff Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of Gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was on heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Gareth, a big Welsh lad from Swansea, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. Gareth, like most Swansea boys, had little sense, but seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Gareth was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have a shag with the gorilla for £500 ?

Gareth showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Gareth announced that he would accept their offer, only under three conditions:

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her.

Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this."

The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. "Well," said Gareth........ "You gotta give me another week to come up with the £500."

Core-Point · 06-11-2005, 11:40 AM

Hahaha. Awesome!

Electro68 · 06-11-2005, 11:52 AM

not quite as funny as the horse whisperer, lol.

PureEgo 03 · 06-11-2005, 03:41 PM

LOL, i oh I do wonder what the sheep would have to say about him lolol, nice man

Discin' Boyz · 06-13-2005, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hoof Hearted

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding
along with a dog and a sheep and began a conversation

Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Indian: Look of shock.

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me
great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: Look of total disbelief.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: Extreme look of shock.

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the Indian.

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty well, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly,
brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Indian: Total look of utter amazement.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep big fat liar."

lol! thats awesome!